


No Air

by CleoBane



Category: Jimon - Fandom, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alleged Cheating, Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Camille is a good friend, Clary Bashing, Forgiveness, Happy Ending, I tried to write angst, Inspired by Music, Jace loves Simon so much, M/M, Making Up, Rapahel has no time for nonsense, Raphael is a Good Friend, Simon Loves Jace so much, anti-clary, break ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 02:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18768883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CleoBane/pseuds/CleoBane
Summary: SImon and Jace break up and SImon has a hard time dealing. Throw in a no-nonsense Raphael, music and an extremely apologetic ex boyfriend (Jace) and you have this mess.





	No Air

_Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air._

It was six months since he had last seen Jace.

Six months feeling miserable and sad and just…barely existing. Oh, he was better than he was a month after they broke up. He didn’t leave his room for three weeks after their break-up and when he did, it was to go the liquor store one block away from his apartment. He also lost his job and didn’t even care.

He didn’t care about anything anymore.

He just wanted to stay alone and be alone.

Then Raphael happened.  He had stepped in a bullied Simon out of his funk. 

And just when he was feeling human enough to live again, Magnus and Alec pull this shit. He could still see the look on Jace’s face when he saw him. It was relief, love and sadness and Simon could not deal.

His hands shook as he took out his phone and dialed a number.

“Rapha, I need you…” he said, shakily.

Fucking Jace!

*****

_He couldn’t even say what it was that caused their break-up. He had gotten home a little later than usual and found Jace standing in the middle of his living room._

_“Hey, you OK?” he asked. “Why are you standing in the dark? What’s wrong?”_

_Jace shook his head. “I-I can’t do this anymore.”_

_Simon swallowed hard against the stark fear that had seized him. “W-What?”_

_Jace looked at him; Simon remembered thinking that his eyes were cold, so unlike the Jace Herondale he knew and loved for years. “I’m done. With you. With us. I-I want to break up.”_

_“Oh?” Simon breathed. “May I ask why? What-What did I do?”_

_“Why?” Jace laughed, but it had sounded ugly, like it was torn from an unwilling throat. “Why? Simon, what are we doing? We have been together for nearly eleven years and we have not…we are not going anywhere.”_

_“And somehow the best course of action is to break up?” Simon asked, his tone bitter. “We can’t talk about this?”_

_“I don’t want to talk about this.” Jace replied in a dull tone. “I-I’m bored, Simon. I’m bored with you.”_

_Simon’s heart froze at those words. “Oh.”_

_Jace’s expression shifted into something apologetic. “I-.”_

_“No, no…It’s-It’s fine.” Simon said. “You’re bored. Typical Jace. It’s fine.” Suddenly he was furious. “You decided after ten years that you were suddenly bored with me? Fine, go. I won’t have to deal with your shit anymore.”_

_“Simon…” Jace sounded sad. “I-.”_

_“Get out.” Simon said, turning away and walking to their-his bedroom. “By the time I get out of the shower, I don’t want to see you.”_

_“Simon, it’s not what…”_

_“GET OUT!” he screamed. “You want to break up? Fine, we’re done. Are you happy now, you asshole?”_

_He didn’t wait for an answer. He rushed into the room and slammed the door before sinking to the ground, leaning against the door. His chest felt like it was shrinking, crushing his heart, his lungs…he couldn’t breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut and gasped for breath. He heard a keening sound and realized it was coming from him._

_He felt like he was going to die._

_He had no idea how long he sat there but when he was aware of his surroundings, he heard Izzy and Maia at the door._

_Apparently, Jace had cheated on him. With Clary. And she was pregnant. Her dad had threatened Jace, threatened to destroy him if he didn’t accept responsibility. Jace didn’t mean what he had said. He wasn’t bored with Simon, he had just said that._

_That didn’t mean anything to Simon. He and Jace were done._

_It was over._

_He was content to sit and stew in his despair until he died for real._

_It took Raphael to set him straight._

_A month after, the stoic Latino  dragged him out of bed and dumped him in the bathroom before turning on the shower. “I’m giving you ten minutes. Then you will come out and have something to eat. Then we are going out.”_

_“I don’t…” Simon croaked._

_“Do I look like I give a shit?” Raphael hissed, his brows furrowed in anger. “Pull yourself together. Carlos’ bachelor party is tonight.”_

_It wasn’t a great night. Raphael kept him away from the booze and made sure he ate before taking him back home. But he came over every day, making Simon eat and step out of the house, refusing to let him fall into a funk._

_He got another job at his old high school, teaching music._

_All the while, he avoided Alec and Magnus because they were Jace’s friends too and seeing them was too hard. Raphael didn’t like Jace; calling him a ‘pompous surfer’._

_Three months later, he kissed Raphael when the latter took him to the carnival. His friend had stood still, not doing anything. He had a sad smile when Simon pulled back. “No, Simon.” Was all he said._

_Simon learnt that Raphael was in a relationship with Camille Belacourt. After blushing furiously and apologizing, Simon tried to have a great time. He was newly single, he should be having fun not pining over some ‘pompous surfer’ who didn’t have the decency to keep his pants zipped._

_That night he hugged Raphael and laughed when the Latino stiffened. “Thanks. I’ll be OK. I promise.”_

_Raphael patted his shoulder awkwardly. “I’ll still check up on you. Call me if…well...”_

_Simon nodded. “I’ll try not to.”_

_Raphael laughed. “You’re learning…”_

******

He wasn’t perfect, but he was better.

He started hanging out with Alec, Magnus, Izzy and Maia again. He didn’t ask about Jace and they didn’t volunteer any information.

One evening, he was supposed to meet them for dinner at one of the new restaurants that just opened. As he was shown to his table, he stopped, frozen.

Jace fucking Herondale was sitting and talking to Alec and Magnus. As if he felt his presence, Jace looked up and Simon found himself staring into those eyes, those beautiful eyes. The eyes he thought he’d never see again.

He turned around and walked out, not heeding Magnus calling his name.

He called Raphael and spent the night sobbing into Camille’s lap while she stroked his hair, making soothing sounds.

“I was better.” He sobbed. “I was better and they pull this shit.”

“Maybe there was a reason for that.” Camille said soothingly. “Magnus wouldn’t be that mean.”

She was right but Simon didn’t want to hear it. He ignored everyone’s calls until Raphael answered the phone. “He’s not taking any calls right now.” And then hung up.

Camille chuckled and sighed. “So sexy.” In his despair, Simon choked out a laugh.

Long after they had gone home, Simon heard someone at the door. He dragged his tired body to the door and opened it, cursing when he saw who it was.

Jace put his foot in the door as Simon made to close it. “Simon, please…I just want to talk.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Simon said, coldly.

“Then just listen.” Jace said, his expression and tone pleading.

Simon stared at him for so long that Jace started to fidget. Then he stepped backwards, letting him in. “Ten minutes.” Was all he said.

“OK.” Jace said before taking a breath. “It’s not mine. Clary’s baby. It’s not mine.”

Simon said nothing, standing and staring at Jace; his arms folded.

“Right.” Jace sighed. “I messed up, Simon. I fucked up. I-I lied when I said I wanted to break up,  but-but I was scared. And guilty. I didn’t mean all those things I said. I love you. You are the best thing that has happened to me. You are my life, Simon. I could say, Clary’s dad made me do it or blame him but I won’t because I said those things. I hurt you and I regret everything. I-I know, I know I have no right to ask you take me back but I want that. I want you back. I can’t live without you. I tried to, but I can’t. I wake up every morning feeling like my chest is about to crush my heart. I see something of yours and I start crying. I miss you.” He stopped. “Even if you don’t want me back, I still want my friend back. I will do anything. Just…please.”

Simon was all cried out, or so he thought because he felt his eyelids prickle as he stood there watching the love of his life beg for his forgiveness.

“Did you sleep with Clary?” he asked.

Jace’s expression before he looked at his feet answered him before the blond responded. “Yeah. And I don’t even remember it. But…”

“Goodbye Jace.” Simon said. He needed Jace out of the house before he broke down.

He heard Jace suck in a shaky breath. “Simon…please…”

“Please leave.” Simon said. “I-I can’t do this right now.”

“No.” Jace said, with false bravado because Simon could hear the tremor in his voice.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Jace said. “I fucked up, I know. But the past six months have been hell. And-And I’m afraid that if I walk out that door I won’t be let back in again and I can’t risk that. I’m so sorry, Simon. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I cheated. I’m sorry I let Clary get between us. I am fucking sorry and I’m not leaving until you forgive me. Or you tell me you don’t want me anymore.”

Simon’s folded arms were shaking. Damn him! How dare he come back here and-and…

“I was getting better.” He said, not caring if his voice shook. “I was starting to get ready to get over you. Even if I could forgive you for telling me you were bored with me, I can’t…you cheated on me, Jace. After everything we’ve been through together, you cheated on me! I would never do that to you.” He closed his eyes and felt tears fall down his cheeks. “And with Clary! Of all people…”

“I don’t remember.” Jace said. “I was drunk and she said I couldn’t keep my hands off her. She said she knew it wasn’t consensual but that-that…”

“Stop it!” Simon covered his ears. “Stop it, Just…” Then something registered in his head. “Wait, what?” he let his hands fall from his ears.

“Huh?” Jace blinked, confused. “What?”

“You were drunk?” Simon asked. There was something off.

“That’s what she said.” Jace said and Simon covered his mouth with both hands, holding in a giggle.

“Jace, you don’t get drunk.” Simon said. “And you can’t get it up once you are tipsy.”

“Hey.” Jace protested, then his eyes widened. “What are you saying?”

“Besides the fact that you are basically impotent when you drink?” Simon asked, dryly wiping his cheeks. “You also don’t get blackout drunk. That’s me.”

Jace frowned; thinking about what Simon was saying. Then his expression darkened. “That little-.” Whatever he was going to say was cut off as Simon launched himself into Jace’s arms and kissed him within an inch of his life.

Jace wrapped his arms tightly around Simon and returned the kiss just as hard. When they pulled back, breathing hard, Jace pressed his forehead against Simon’s “So…what does this mean, exactly?”

“You didn’t cheat.” Simon said, grinning for what seemed like the first time in years. “You may be an asshole but you are not a cheater.”

Jace buried his face in Simon’s neck, his shoulders shaking slightly. Simon held him tightly. “Jace…?”

“Gimme a minute.” Jace said, his voice muffled.

Simon’s legs were suddenly shaky, so he slowly sank to his knees to the floor, Jace going down with him. He heard Jace sniffle. “Hey,” he whispered. “We’re OK. Well, almost OK. But I-I’m still here.”

“I almost lost you.” Jace said brokenly. “I almost…I thought…fucking Clary…”

“You broke my heart.” Simon said, needing to say this. “When you said you-you were bored with me. I thought I was going to die.”

“I’m sorry.” Jace said softly. “I was stupid. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“Well, you can’t be perfect.” Simon said, jokingly. Jace glared at him for a second and then his expression softened as he leaned closer to kiss him again. Softly this time.

“I thought I would never get to do this again.” Jace whispered. “I wanted to come and see you so many times but…” he shook his head. “I swear I’m going to kill her.”

“Hey…” Simon said, hugging Jace. “I love you, I love you, I love you!”

Jace laughed shakily. “I thought I would never hear you say that to me again.”

They sat there for a while, just kissing and hugging and laughing. “Fuck, I missed you.” Jace said. “Next time, I don’t care what you have to do, if I start talking shit punch me in the face.”

“But I like your face.” Simon teased. “I could knee you in the ‘nads, instead.”

Jace winced and Simon laughed.

“So…does this mean…?” Jace asked, looking down at their clasped hands. “I mean, can I come back home?”

“I don’t know, can you?” Simon asked, coyly.

“Really, Lewis?” Jace asked. “Right now?”

Simon laughed again. “Yes, Jace, you can come home.”


End file.
